Jokes
One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...".
Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..."
The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears.
She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?"
"NO! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE!
Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..."
The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears.
She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?"
"NO! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE!
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There were three people walking on the street.a smart blonde, a stupid blonde and santa clause.suddenly, they see on the ground
100$.question : wich of them pick it up ?
Answer:the stupid blonde !Why?because the smart blonde and santa clause don't exist, they are fiction.
100$.question : wich of them pick it up ?
Answer:the stupid blonde !Why?because the smart blonde and santa clause don't exist, they are fiction.
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This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."
The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money.... and I must get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'll do anything to get a message to her." The clerk replies "Anything?".
"Yes. ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..." She does. "Take it out. go ahead." She does this as well.
She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead... do it..." She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"
The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money.... and I must get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'll do anything to get a message to her." The clerk replies "Anything?".
"Yes. ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..." She does. "Take it out. go ahead." She does this as well.
She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead... do it..." She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"
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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.
"But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last month". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time". "Sure", the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow"
The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant", the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms".
"No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it says so here: To apply, push up bottom".
"But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last month". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time". "Sure", the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow"
The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant", the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms".
"No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it says so here: To apply, push up bottom".
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A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.
Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell! But there's one thing I don't understand
though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.
Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell! But there's one thing I don't understand
though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
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Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. All the blondes applauded.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. All the blondes applauded.
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There was a blonde sitting on a plane in first class seats with an economy class ticket. The flight attendant asked to check her ticket.
'Excuse me' she said 'you only have an economy class ticket but you are sitting in first class. Could you please move to your allocated seat.'
The blonde was very stubborn and said 'Im blonde and beautiful and I'm going to New York.'
So the flight attendant went to another flight attendant and told her the problem. Her answer was the same.
'Im blonde and beautiful and Im going to new york.'
This went on throught 4 other flight attendants.
Finally they went to the captain and told him the problem.
He said 'I can handle this' and went to talk to her.
Hw whispered something in her ear and she got up and ran to economy class.
All the flight attendatns were shocked and they asked him how he did it.
He said 'I told her first class wasn't going to New York.'
'Excuse me' she said 'you only have an economy class ticket but you are sitting in first class. Could you please move to your allocated seat.'
The blonde was very stubborn and said 'Im blonde and beautiful and I'm going to New York.'
So the flight attendant went to another flight attendant and told her the problem. Her answer was the same.
'Im blonde and beautiful and Im going to new york.'
This went on throught 4 other flight attendants.
Finally they went to the captain and told him the problem.
He said 'I can handle this' and went to talk to her.
Hw whispered something in her ear and she got up and ran to economy class.
All the flight attendatns were shocked and they asked him how he did it.
He said 'I told her first class wasn't going to New York.'
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Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"
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