Jokes
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
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A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
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There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.
Signed - "The Blonde"
She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note:
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.
Signed - "The Blonde"
She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note:
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
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As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
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A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head all go hunting together. Then they decide to all go their separate ways. When they all come back, the brunette had shot a rabbit.
The other 2 ask "How'd you do that?"
She says: "Well, I followed some tracks,and BOOM, I got a rabbit."
The red-head had came back with a deer. The blond & brunette ask "How'd you do that?" She says:"Well, I follwed some tracks and BOOM, I got a deer."
The blonde comes back all beat up and bloody, without any game. They ask "HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!?" And she says: "Well I followed some tracks, and BOOM, I got hit by a train".
The other 2 ask "How'd you do that?"
She says: "Well, I followed some tracks,and BOOM, I got a rabbit."
The red-head had came back with a deer. The blond & brunette ask "How'd you do that?" She says:"Well, I follwed some tracks and BOOM, I got a deer."
The blonde comes back all beat up and bloody, without any game. They ask "HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!?" And she says: "Well I followed some tracks, and BOOM, I got hit by a train".
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A blonde and a burnett are catching up ofter having not seen each other for a while, the burnett says to the blonde, "I'm married to Kenny now."
The blonde replies, "Really, I used to date him. Isn't he the one with the really bad dandruf?"
"Yeah," answered the burnett, "but I fixed that, I gave him head and shoulders."
The blonde looked really confused and after a few moments asked, "How do you give Shoulders?"
The blonde replies, "Really, I used to date him. Isn't he the one with the really bad dandruf?"
"Yeah," answered the burnett, "but I fixed that, I gave him head and shoulders."
The blonde looked really confused and after a few moments asked, "How do you give Shoulders?"
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What do u call a blonde with 1brain cell?
GIFTED!
What do u call a blonde with 2brain cells?
PREGNANT!
What do u call a blonde with 3brain cells?
A GOLDEN RETRIEVER!
GIFTED!
What do u call a blonde with 2brain cells?
PREGNANT!
What do u call a blonde with 3brain cells?
A GOLDEN RETRIEVER!
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A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office.
She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
He says: "point to where it hurts".
She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!".
She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!".
Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!".
The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"
She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".
She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
He says: "point to where it hurts".
She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!".
She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!".
Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!".
The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"
She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".
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A blonde a brunette and a red-head were stuck on a deserted island. When they were searching for food one day they found a genie's lamp. They all rubbed it at the same time. The genie popped out and said "Since you all rubbed my lamp at the same time, you get one wish each." The blonde went first "I wish I was 10% smarter to get off this island."
The next thing you knew it she was swimming away from the island. Seeing what she did the brunette said "I wish I was 25% smarter to get off this island." The next thing you knew it she was making a raft out of branches and leaves. In the next 10 minutes she was off the island. Seeing what they both did the red-head said "
I wish I was 50 % smarter to get off this island." The next thing you knew it she became a man and walked over the bridge.
The next thing you knew it she was swimming away from the island. Seeing what she did the brunette said "I wish I was 25% smarter to get off this island." The next thing you knew it she was making a raft out of branches and leaves. In the next 10 minutes she was off the island. Seeing what they both did the red-head said "
I wish I was 50 % smarter to get off this island." The next thing you knew it she became a man and walked over the bridge.
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