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Vtipy pro dobrou náladu

JOKES for pleasure and good mood

Jokes

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:

I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.

Signed - "The Blonde"

She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note:

"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
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As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."

The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
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A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head all go hunting together. Then they decide to all go their separate ways. When they all come back, the brunette had shot a rabbit.

The other 2 ask "How'd you do that?"

She says: "Well, I followed some tracks,and BOOM, I got a rabbit."

The red-head had came back with a deer. The blond & brunette ask "How'd you do that?" She says:"Well, I follwed some tracks and BOOM, I got a deer."

The blonde comes back all beat up and bloody, without any game. They ask "HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!?" And she says: "Well I followed some tracks, and BOOM, I got hit by a train".
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A blonde and a burnett are catching up ofter having not seen each other for a while, the burnett says to the blonde, "I'm married to Kenny now."

The blonde replies, "Really, I used to date him. Isn't he the one with the really bad dandruf?"
"Yeah," answered the burnett, "but I fixed that, I gave him head and shoulders."

The blonde looked really confused and after a few moments asked, "How do you give Shoulders?"
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What do u call a blonde with 1brain cell?
GIFTED!

What do u call a blonde with 2brain cells?
PREGNANT!

What do u call a blonde with 3brain cells?
A GOLDEN RETRIEVER!
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A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office.

She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."

He says: "point to where it hurts".

She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!".
She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!".

Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!".

The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"

She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".
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A blonde a brunette and a red-head were stuck on a deserted island. When they were searching for food one day they found a genie's lamp. They all rubbed it at the same time. The genie popped out and said "Since you all rubbed my lamp at the same time, you get one wish each." The blonde went first "I wish I was 10% smarter to get off this island."

The next thing you knew it she was swimming away from the island. Seeing what she did the brunette said "I wish I was 25% smarter to get off this island." The next thing you knew it she was making a raft out of branches and leaves. In the next 10 minutes she was off the island. Seeing what they both did the red-head said "

I wish I was 50 % smarter to get off this island." The next thing you knew it she became a man and walked over the bridge.
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A recent survey was conducted to discover why blondes get out of bed in the middle of the night:

5% said it was to get a glass of water.

12% said it was to go to the toilet.

83% said it was to go home.
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There's this blonde who goes into an electronics shop, and asks the bloke in there if she can buy this TV. But the bloke says Sorry, we dont serve blondes.

So she goes away, dyes her hair brown, and goes back. Sorry, we dont serve blondes, the bloke says.

So she goes back and dyes her hair ginger, but he still tells her they dont serve blondes.
Sooooo, she goes back yet again, but dyes her hair black. Again, she asks if she can buy the TV, but yet again, she cant get served.
Look, she says, how can you tell i'm a blonde, even tho i've dyed my hair???

Soory lady, thats a microwave!!!!
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