Jokes
Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?", the first one asks.
"Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked.
When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!"
"Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked.
When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!"
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Three girls are walking in a magical forest. Suddenly, a witch comes out of the woods, and tells them:
"Each of you has to say one good thing about herself. If you lie, i will make you disappear!".
The first girl, a brunette, says:
"I think I am a very kind and toughtfull person".
*Pooph*- she disappears.
The second girl, red-haired, says:
"I think i am very sexy".
Pooph- she also disappears.
The third girl, a blonde, says:
"Well, I think..."
Pooph- she is gone...
"Each of you has to say one good thing about herself. If you lie, i will make you disappear!".
The first girl, a brunette, says:
"I think I am a very kind and toughtfull person".
*Pooph*- she disappears.
The second girl, red-haired, says:
"I think i am very sexy".
Pooph- she also disappears.
The third girl, a blonde, says:
"Well, I think..."
Pooph- she is gone...
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One day a blonde is hiking in the woods. She follows the trail until she comes upon a river. As she is thinking how she can get across the river; another blonde appears on the opposite side.
The blonde yells to the other blonde "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde looks up and then down the river and yells back: "You are on the other side!"
The blonde yells to the other blonde "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde looks up and then down the river and yells back: "You are on the other side!"
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A blonde thought if she died her hair brown she would become smarter. Whilst driving in the country she spotted this farmer herding sheep and asked him "If I guess how many sheep you have will you let me have one?"
The man said "Sure." Well she looked over and over and said 73. He said "Wow your good." So the blonde claimed her prize.
While walking her back to the car the man said "If I guess your hair color can you give me my dog back?"
The man said "Sure." Well she looked over and over and said 73. He said "Wow your good." So the blonde claimed her prize.
While walking her back to the car the man said "If I guess your hair color can you give me my dog back?"
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A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.
The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.
The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard. Grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.".
The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth."
The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.
The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard. Grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.".
The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth."
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A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.
The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."
The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"
They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.
The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."
The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"
They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.
The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
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A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at Lovers' Cove where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
No! yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
No! the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
Do you wanna go in the back seat yet? asked the guy.
For the last time, No! said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, Well, why the hell not?
The blonde looked at him and said, Because I wanna stay up here with you.
No! yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
No! the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
Do you wanna go in the back seat yet? asked the guy.
For the last time, No! said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, Well, why the hell not?
The blonde looked at him and said, Because I wanna stay up here with you.
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A blonde was driving down the highway when she saw another blonde sitting in the middle of a field trying to row a boat.
"It's blondes like her that that give blondes like me a bad name," she thought.
She stopped her car got out and yelled, "Look at you. You're trying to row a boat in the middle of a field! If I could swim I'd kick your butt!"
"It's blondes like her that that give blondes like me a bad name," she thought.
She stopped her car got out and yelled, "Look at you. You're trying to row a boat in the middle of a field! If I could swim I'd kick your butt!"
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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool.
The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out.
The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde".
The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."
The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out.
The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde".
The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."
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