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Vtipy pro dobrou náladu

JOKES for pleasure and good mood

Jokes

A blonde thought if she died her hair brown she would become smarter. Whilst driving in the country she spotted this farmer herding sheep and asked him "If I guess how many sheep you have will you let me have one?"

The man said "Sure." Well she looked over and over and said 73. He said "Wow your good." So the blonde claimed her prize.

While walking her back to the car the man said "If I guess your hair color can you give me my dog back?"
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A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.

The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.

The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard. Grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.".

The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.

The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth."
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A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.

The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."

The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"

They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.

The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
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A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at Lovers' Cove where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
No! yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.

No! the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

Do you wanna go in the back seat yet? asked the guy.

For the last time, No! said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, Well, why the hell not?
The blonde looked at him and said, Because I wanna stay up here with you.
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A blonde was driving down the highway when she saw another blonde sitting in the middle of a field trying to row a boat.

"It's blondes like her that that give blondes like me a bad name," she thought.

She stopped her car got out and yelled, "Look at you. You're trying to row a boat in the middle of a field! If I could swim I'd kick your butt!"
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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool.

The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out.

The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde".

The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."
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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
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A blonde walks into an appliance store and starts to look around.

She then asks the clerk,"Can I have that television set over there."
The clerk looks at her and says no.
This confuses her. She then asks why?

The Clerk responds,"Because you are a blonde."

The blonde woman walks out with an idea on how to get that television.

She then returns with a wig full of red hair. She asks the clerk again for the television set.

He looks at her suspiciously and replies,"No because I told you I don't sell them to blondes."

She then says,"I am not a blonde I am a redhead."

The clerk then said,"I know your the same women because that is no television thats a microwave."
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One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.

While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.

They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But with the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them back in."
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