Jokes
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you???ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that???s amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded. "I???ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that???s amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded. "I???ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
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A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your
other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your
other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"
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A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out".
But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.
The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"
But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.
The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"
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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. No woman, said one man, scornfully, can keep a secret.
I dont know about that, answered a blonde woman guest. I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.
Youll let it out some day, the man insisted.
I hardly think so responded the blonde lady. When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.
I dont know about that, answered a blonde woman guest. I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.
Youll let it out some day, the man insisted.
I hardly think so responded the blonde lady. When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.
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Once a Blonde and a brunette were watching the news when they saw a man at the top of a building threatening to jump off. The Brunette said "I bet you fifty bucks he's going to jump off, what do you say?" The Blonde said "sure,"
They watched carefully for 10 minutes when the man jumps off. The Blonde hands over the 50 bucks and says "good job," The brunette looks guilty and says "I'm sorry, here's your fifty bucks back, I saw the earlier showing and I knew the man was going to jump off," then blonde says "don't worry, I saw it too, I just didn't think he'd do it again"
They watched carefully for 10 minutes when the man jumps off. The Blonde hands over the 50 bucks and says "good job," The brunette looks guilty and says "I'm sorry, here's your fifty bucks back, I saw the earlier showing and I knew the man was going to jump off," then blonde says "don't worry, I saw it too, I just didn't think he'd do it again"
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I know a blond so stupid I asked her to take me to the airport she looked up at the billboard it said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
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This blonde went in an electrical store for a microve. She asked can i please have that microve? the guy said no you blonde.
She goes dyes her head black after that she went to the shop can i please have that microve? the guy said no you blonde. so she goes dyes her hair all different colours after that she went to the shop can i please have that microve? How do you know I'm a blonde? the guy said because your pointeting to a fridge.
She goes dyes her head black after that she went to the shop can i please have that microve? the guy said no you blonde. so she goes dyes her hair all different colours after that she went to the shop can i please have that microve? How do you know I'm a blonde? the guy said because your pointeting to a fridge.
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Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?", the first one asks.
"Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked.
When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!"
"Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked.
When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!"
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Three girls are walking in a magical forest. Suddenly, a witch comes out of the woods, and tells them:
"Each of you has to say one good thing about herself. If you lie, i will make you disappear!".
The first girl, a brunette, says:
"I think I am a very kind and toughtfull person".
*Pooph*- she disappears.
The second girl, red-haired, says:
"I think i am very sexy".
Pooph- she also disappears.
The third girl, a blonde, says:
"Well, I think..."
Pooph- she is gone...
"Each of you has to say one good thing about herself. If you lie, i will make you disappear!".
The first girl, a brunette, says:
"I think I am a very kind and toughtfull person".
*Pooph*- she disappears.
The second girl, red-haired, says:
"I think i am very sexy".
Pooph- she also disappears.
The third girl, a blonde, says:
"Well, I think..."
Pooph- she is gone...
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