Blonde Jokes

A Blonde and a Burnette are watching the news at 6. It is live on the scene. It has been reported that a old homeless man is on top of a large bridge and swears that he will jump off the bridge.

The Burnette turns around and says to the Blonde" I bet you $50 that he will jump. Th blonde says" You're on. Sure enough the old man jumps and falls to his death.

The Burnette snickers to herself and says"I must admit I did watch the news at 5. The blonde says So did I but, I did'nt think he would jump twice!!

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise.

"You need to make sure this dog runs around," the doctor said.

"Try playing a game of fetch with him."

"I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde said. "Why not?" the doctor asked.

"Because," she replied, "He can't throw."

After a long night, the blonde asks her friend: "Say, do you have AIDS?".
"NO!", the guy answers firmly, "Of course not!"
"Oh, that???s good", replies the blonde, "I don't wanna catch it again".

Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he'd been recommended to paint him in the nude.

"No," the talented blonde artist said. "I don"t do that sort of thing."

"But what if I double your fee?" he pleaded.

"Nope, sorry. Won't do it."

"How about I give you five times what you normally get?"

"Oh, okay then," said the artist, "but I'm keeping my socks on. I need a place to put my brushes."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp.

They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one" So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home." POOF, she is gone.

The redhead makes her wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too." POOF, she
is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "What is the matter?"

The blonde said, "I wish my friends were here."

One day two blondes decided to take a trip to Disney Land.

They were riding down the road and all of a sudden they came to a fork in the road and a sign said disneyland left. So they looked at eachother and said dangget and went back home.

A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to blondes here."

The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.

The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.

In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries, exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first of all, that's a microwave..."

A blonde was sick and tired of hearing jokes about being dumb. She decided to dye her hair black and set out to prove to the world just how wrong they were about blondes. She drove out of the city and into the country where there were many sheep farms. She spotted a sheep farmer, stopped her car and said, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your field, will you give me a sheep?"

He said "Sure!" She counted and said "131." The farmer said, "That's Right! Go ahead and get a sheep." The blonde went and got her sheep. Then, the farmer said, "If I tell you what color your hair really is, can I have it back?" and she said, "Yes." "Blonde. Now give me back my dog.".

A blonde received a certificate for helicopter flying lessons for her birthday. One day she was bored and decided to take advantage of the opportunity.

When she arrived at the place, the man said "Well, there's only one helicopter here, and it only has one seat, if I show you how to do it, do you mind going up solo?"

"Oh of course! I can handle it" the blonde replied.

Well, he showed her the inner-workings of the helicopter and sent her on her way, only asking that she radio in every 400ft. just to make sure everything was going smoothly.

at 400ft, she radioed in saying "wow! this is so much fun!"

At 800 ft. She radioed in again saying "this is pretty easy, I can do this all day!"

At 1200 ft. She didnt. he waited and waited, and didn't hear from the blonde! seconds later he heard a crash in the field next to the station. He ran out to see what happened, the blonde crashed!

Luckily she survived, "what happened?" he exclaimed.

"Well, I was doing fine, but, I started to get cold, so I just turned off the big fan!"